


The Wind that Blew out of the Cloud

by elizabeth_writes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Doomed Relationship, F/M, Mild Sexual Content, Moral Dilemmas, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-11 16:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5634328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizabeth_writes/pseuds/elizabeth_writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brave young woman named Mai is forced to work for hire after her family is stolen by an evil junker lord, and she is hired by the First Order to help them celebrate the completion of Starkiller Base (set just before The Force Awakens). On the Star Destroyer, Mai meets a doomed Resistance spy who begs her to continue her work of relaying information to General Leia Organa. However, Mai also meets Kylo Ren, who becomes enchanted with her conflicted personality and falls in love. As her time on the Star Destroyer comes to a close, Mai is torn between what she knows is right, and being in love for the first time in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Staying Sharp

**Author's Note:**

> Mai Londa (c) elizabeth_writes
> 
> If you want to create works inspired by my original character please feel free! Tag me on tumblr @ manic-pixie-meme-grrl (main blog) or its-a-traapp (Star Wars blog)
> 
> //Trigger warnings: nudity, alcohol, violence, sexual harassment, death mention, slavery mention//  
> If you think of any others please add them in the comments~

That crazed girl improvising her music.  
Her poetry, dancing upon the shore,

Her soul in division from itself  
Climbing, falling She knew not where,  
Hiding amid the cargo of a steamship,  
Her knee-cap broken, that girl I declare  
A beautiful lofty thing, or a thing  
Heroically lost, heroically found.

No matter what disaster occurred  
She stood in desperate music wound,  
Wound, wound, and she made in her triumph  
Where the bales and the baskets lay  
No common intelligible sound  
But sang, 'O sea-starved, hungry sea.'

            --William Butler Yeats

 

Part 1: Staying Sharp

 

    Mai drummed her fingers on the dingy table in her quarters as a teenage boy in a First Order uniform handed her a drink. She smiled at him briefly and he blushed, taking the tray under his arm and rushing out of the room. She was used to this kind of treatment, which wasn’t to say that she enjoyed it. She had an unusual appearance, and tended to capture the hearts of men—well, their hearts were only a part of what she usually enticed. Who wouldn’t stare at a woman with snow-white hair?

    She gulped down her drink trying to remember what her boss, Ophea, said: “You haven’t seen the worst scum until you’ve worked for gangsters.” Ophea swore she’d seen the worst of it working for the Hutts. Clearly, she never expected that Mai would get a call from the First Order. Trying to steady her shaking fingers, she focused on what was really important: finding the money and the favor of someone powerful enough to free her mother and brother from slavery.

    Her father had left their family in deep debt back on her home planet, and the three of them fell into some of the worst times imaginable. Mai’s unique appearance and knack for entertaining people saved them from abject poverty, but couldn’t save her mother and brother from being abducted by powerful junker lords and forced to work for only one quarter portion a day scrubbing scrap metal clean.

    She remembered another one of Ophea’s maxims: “It’s your right to walk out. If they don’t let you, blackmail them. We hear more than they think, so stay sharp.”

 _Stay sharp_ , she repeated in her mind. No one expects the entertainment.

 

    The first day on the job could have been worse. Clad in a smart but slightly more revealing uniform than the First Order crew, she was in charge of entertaining the first officers with card games and smarmy advice on what move to make next in hologram chess. Her job was to dote and to entertain—working for the first order was not so different working at parties for the rich on Courascant or the powerful on Tatooine. However, she kept an eye on the Storm Trooper clad in all silver standing in the doorway. She seemed stiff and alert as if she were waiting for Mai to make a run for it.

    One of the officers approached Mai as she had just finished dealing a hand of poker. “How long will you be with us?” she asked, a slight pink rising on her cheekbones.

    “Well, I was told you all have special plans for the weapon you’re building.” Mai batted her dark eyelashes. “After you carry them out my contract expires. I would just love to come again, my dear, but I can be very busy.”

    The officer beamed. “I understand. Did Hux ask you to come here?”

    “Indeed. I suppose he wants all of you to be well rested for the big show.” She winked. She gaged internally. War made her queasy. Unfortunately, it’s where the money was.

    “He’s so kind,” she mused dreamily. “I can’t wait until we stop the Resistance once and for all.”

    Mai touched the officer’s hand tenderly. “Don’t we all, my dear?”

    Suddenly a hush grew over the officers’ merriment. Mai heard the footsteps of storm troopers. She raised her eyes to see a masked figure clad entirely in black flanked by the white soldiers. She flashed a scowl, having been interrupted at work. Drama usually put a dent in her paycheck.

    The figure said in a dark voice with an odd mechanical tinge, “Hux should not have been so cocky to let an outsider aboard during this critical time,” he pointed at Mai. “You’re coming with me.”

    She ground her teeth. “As you wish, sir.” _Freak_ , she thought.

    Storm Troopers flanked either side of her as she followed the black figure into the hallway. They ducked into an empty control room, where the troopers pushed Mai into a chair. At this point, she was beginning to feel the steely edge of fear in her gut.

    The figure paced, stretching its leather gloves over its fingers. “Who are you?” it asked. “Don’t. Lie.”

    “Mai Londa, sir. I’m from the planet Yurania. Commander Hux hired me as entertainment for his first officers.” Her heart raced, which only frustrated her further. Fear was never a well-handled emotion for Mai. She’d been tied up, kicked, and spat on several times during her life but the only emotion she could ever really show was anger.

    “You wear your fear like anger, Mai. Am I doing something to irritate you?”

    “No sir.”

    “ _I said don’t lie to me_. This is a test of intentions.”

    With a sharp exhale, she decided to present herself honestly. “I’m not here to ruin whatever stupid war plans you people have,” she spat. “Now will you stop interrogating me? I’m just trying to do my job.”

    The figure relaxed only somewhat having gotten an honest response from Mai. “Do you know who I am?”

    “No.”

    This answer seemed to satisfy the figure, which turned its back and gestured for Mai to leave. Mai felt extremely uncomfortable, as she had no idea what the figure was thinking under its mask. She was escorted back to the first officer barracks and left there to continue her job slightly more shaken than before.

 

    Later that evening, she sat on the lap of an officer telling a story about her childhood on her home planet, which she always made up because no happy memories were left for her on Yurania. In fact, she did this so many times, she had a whole pantheon of fictional friends and acquaintances who she told tales about. Her stories were always a smash hit, but usually left her feeling empty.

    After the crowd dispersed and said good night to each other she was left alone to flirt with the blond officer whose lap she still sat on.

    “So you like it here?” he asked, taking a strand of her hair and twirling it between his fingers.

    “Oh yes, you have all been very gracious hosts. Please send Hux my regards,” she said, smiling impishly. She paused. “Say, who was that person earlier? In the strange mask.”

    The officer’s smile melted. “That’s Kylo Ren,” he said flatly. He leaned in just so Mai could hear him. “He’s a dark Jedi.”

    Mai couldn’t control her sneer. “You’re joking. Jedi don’t exist,” she whispered.

    The officer shrugged. “I’ve seen it. I’ve seen him control people. I’ve seen his lightsaber. Honestly, you should stay away from him.”

    Mai wanted to roll her eyes at the officer. She was certain Kylo Ren was just another war general trying to scare his men into line. She’d seen it before. _Jedi—what a ridiculous notion,_ she thought. “How fascinating. Well, it’s getting quite late.” Mai climbed off the officer’s lap, and stretched her arms. “I’ll see you all tomorrow after your duties—goodnight, officer!”

    “Goodnight!”

    Mai wandered out the door of the officers’ quarters back down the dark, metal hall to her private room. As she rounded the corner, a sudden restlessness pierced her scattered mind. She continued down the hall past her room and continued walking the length of the Star Destroyer, noting her surroundings as not to get lost in the huge maze of the ship. As she strayed further and further from the barracks, all she could hear was the soft clanking of her supple boots on the metal floor.

    Suddenly, she heard hushed, emotional voices around the next corner. She froze against the wall, realizing instantly she was in the part of the ship where the Order kept their prisoners. Why weren’t there any storm troopers around? She cautiously listened to the conversation.

    “I can’t let them take you, Cloe, they’ll kill you!” Mai’s stomach dropped as she realized it was the voice of the female officer she’d spoken with earlier.

    “Em listen to me! This map is more important to us than my life. You have to keep this up regardless of weather or not I live!” A steady female voice said.

    Em sobbed quietly. “I hate these people! I can’t do this anymore.”

    “Oh sweetheart…”

 _Oh no,_ Mai thought. _I’ve got to get out of here._ Her heart raced. What if they found her listening in on these traitors? Why should she be collateral for whatever mission they were trying to carry out? _Why are these Resistance people so stupid? The Order will kill them both!_ She shook off her feelings and made a run for it back down the hall. Once she reached her room, she slammed the door and locked it.

    Just as she had time to catch her breath a furious knock came at her door. She swore violently. She rushed for the door and she forced open the peephole. It was the female officer.

    “I need to talk to you,” Em hissed.

    Mai threw open the door, grabbed the spy by the arm and pulled her in, shutting the door behind her. Not releasing her grip, she growled, “Listen, I don’t want any part of this, so leave me the hell alone before I sound the alarm.”

    Tears streamed down Em’s round face. “Mai, _please._ I need you to help me. _We_ need your help. I know you heard me talking to Cloe.”

    Mai blinked. She released her grip and let the spy’s arm fall to her side. “I can’t. I’m sorry,” she said tightly.

    Em fell to her knees. “The Resistance will give you money, protection within the Republic, _anything you want!_ ” She shook, sniffling, and covering her face. “I’m going to leave this ship. I can’t live like this while Cloe is dead. Do you know how they’ll kill her? They’ll torture her to get information and slaughter her on the spot once they’re through…”

    Mai shifted uncomfortably as she stared at the grief-stricken woman at her feet. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do…that.”

    With a shaky inhale, Em steadied her voice enough to say, “If you can’t promise anything now, I at least want you to have this.” The spy pulled a small device from her inner jacket pocket. “This is how I’ve been communicating with the Resistance. Please hide it.”

    Mai took the small machine and held it gently as if it were going to explode if she didn’t. She frowned deeply. “I have my own I need to look out for, you know. But I’ll see what I can do.”

    A bit of relief softened Em’s face. “Thank you. If we can take the Order down, you and your family will be greatly benefitted.”

    Mai nodded, feeling conflicted. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She stowed the device away in her luggage under the bed. “I’m sorry but you have to leave,” she said sternly, the whole situation beginning tug on her heart.

    Em got to her feet, smiling faintly. “You have no idea what this means to us.” As she went out the door, wiping away tears, she whispered, “May the Force be with you, Mai.”

 


	2. The Ebb

    Mai awoke from a restless sleep that morning, feeling the excess adrenaline pounding in her skull. She slowly got dressed. As she ran a brush through her long white hair she heard a muffled voice from the other side of he room…from under her bed. She paled, throwing the brush down. She tore her suitcase out from under the bed and fished out the communicator from her clothes. When she pulled it out, a small hologram of a man in a pilot’s jumpsuit stood in the palm of her hand.

    “Em? _Em?_ Wait. What the hell, who are you?” he jumped back slightly.

    Mai looked around wildly. “Shhh! Em can’t talk right now,” she hissed. “Don’t call me again!” She shut the thing off, her hands shaking. She sat there on the floor with the communicator in the palm of her had wondering weather or not she should bring it to General Hux. A pang of guilt stabbed her side.

    Suddenly, she remembered that the general himself had invited her for breakfast. She re-buried the communication device, deciding she needed to calm down if she was going to survive the rest of the day. She got to her feet and sighed deeply.

    She calmed herself as she pinned her starlight braids on top of her head. She threw on a simple dress and headed towards the commanders quarters. She arrived just as the meal was being served. The general sat at the end of the long table, a large window with a view of the darkness of deep space behind him.

    “Sleep well?” he asked.

    Mai concentrated every ounce of control into the words: “Yes, but I was up rather late.” She smiled coquettishly, hoping he would buy it.

    He flashed a smile at her. “I hope you are enjoying yourself,” he said shortly. “I must thank you again for helping me rest my crew.”

    “It’s no problem,” Mai said taking a seat at the other end of the table. “After all, it’s what I do. I enjoy it.” _What a lie, I need to get off this godforsaken ship as soon as possible_ , she thought.

    Hux paused between eating. “So…” he laced his fingers together under his chin. “Did you hear about what happened early this morning?”

    Mai shook her head, putting on her best concerned face. “No, what happened?”

    “One of my senior officers tried to flee this ship,” he said, frowning deeply. “Did you happen to meet Em Baylar?”

    “No I didn’t!” Mai gulped. “Or... not that I recall.” Her heart sputtered.

    Hux sighed and brushed off the topic. “Hm. Well… I won’t worry you with our affairs.” _Oh thank god,_ she thought, relaxing slightly.

    They went on to discuss business. Hux told her that he would like to hire other entertainers to host a party for the senior command before the completion of Starkiller Base. Mai gave him a list of contacts from various parts of the galaxy—people she had met in her time searching for someone who could set her family free.

    Towards the end of their conversation, a storm trooper burst into the dining room. “Sorry to bother you, sir, but I need to inform you that Em Baylar has been disposed of.”

    Hux straightened himself, looking pleased. “Good. Fetch Kylo Ren: we need to discuss our next step. You’re dismissed.”

    Mai’s heart sank, but she didn’t show it. Instead, she stuffed food in her mouth and chewed slowly. She couldn’t allow herself to grieve for Em. Not here.

    “Forgive me, Mai, but I have an important meeting to hold,” he said, motioning for a servant to take his plate away. “Meet me in my quarters tonight, but until then I have nothing more for you.”

    Mai thanked him and dismissed herself. She purposefully avoided her room for fear of being contacted by the Resistance again. Barely able to breathe normally, she wandered the maze within the Star Destroyer. She thought of her mother as she walked, and how she had promised to stay safe as she travelled the galaxy. A wave of determination hit her. She would not let herself get caught. When she made it through this, she might have enough money to buy back her family, or at least her little brother. The promise of reuniting her family pushed her back to a state of relative calm.

    Suddenly, she came upon a dark, empty control room. There was a large window as wide as the front wall. Perhaps a moment of silence and the vast beauty of outer space would sooth her worries. She sat in one of the revolving chairs and faced the window. A distant gold planet glowed against the blackness of the galaxy. Just to distract herself, she picked each pin from her hair, letting her white locks fall about her shoulders. She held the pins between her teeth.

    She jumped when she heard the sound of footsteps and the brushing of fabric. Mai spun around, nearly spitting out her pins. A young man with black hair stood in the doorway, a helmet in his gloved hands. He stared blankly at Mai.

    Mai quickly undid the rest of her hair and shoved the pins in her dress pocket. “Pardon me, I just came here to think—”

    “You have a lost family,” the man interrupted.

    Mai’s jaw tightened. _Why the hell does he care?_ , she thought spitefully. “Stop reading my mind. It’s very impolite,” she chided, glaring at him as she stood.

    “You don’t need them, you know.”

    Mai sneered as she approached him. “You don’t know anything about me, Kylo Ren.”

    “I could if I wanted to,” he replied darkly. Their eyes met, and his stony expression fell momentarily as he stared into Mai’s expressive brown eyes.

    Mai quickly looked away. She brushed past him on her way to the door. “Again, that’s very impolite.” She felt his eyes on her as she walked out, a blush burning on her cheeks.

 

    Mai leaned to peer into her faded mirror, which she propped up on the small desk the Order had given her. She carefully applied her makeup, hoping she wouldn’t sweat it all off by the end of the night. She donned a long plum-colored dress and a necklace made of shiny wooden beads from her home planet. Her freckled olive skin glowed in the fake light of the starship making her look outstandingly organic against the mechanical interior. She touched the beads and wondered if the people who lived in this ship ever really experienced nature.

    She grabbed her handbag from her desk and peered one last time under her bed, praying no one contacted the communicator while she was gone.

    She walked out the door, making sure it was locked securely before she exited the room. She was startled when she ran into one of the senior officers in the hall. He smiled crookedly, dipping slightly in a bow. “I can lead you to the General’s quarters, ma’am.”

    “Oh! Thank you.” She followed him to a set of elevators she had no idea existed.

    The officer pressed the button, turned to Mai, and smiled. “His room is in the safest part of the ship—behind the front turrets.” When the elevator arrived she entered and was about to say thank you and goodnight when the man slipped in with her, putting his hands around her waist as the doors closed.

    “Excuse me—” she was cut of as he pressed his face into her neck.

    “You smell like Naboo lilies,” he murmured. “What a lovely scent on you.”

    A disgusted tingle ran up and down her spine, fire rising in her throat. She attempted to push him off. “Please don’t touch me,” she said softly but steadily.

    He laughed, groping her buttocks. “What’s wrong, my dear?”

    She shook him off as the elevator door opened and briskly walked out. “Goodnight officer, I can find my way from here,” she said, acid dripping from her cool voice. He laughed and followed her out. Mai felt utter repugnance clenching her jaw.

    He put his arm around her and leaned in to mutter, “Tut tut, my dear. No need to be embarrassed that you sleep with your clients.”

    Furious, she shoved him into the wall, pressing her thumbs into his trachea. “ _I do not sleep with my clients!_ ” she bellowed.

    Panting with rage, she noticed that the man was choking. She sneered and released him, feeling satisfied, but he continued to blue, grasping at his neck. She gasped, her stomach doing flips. She would never make it off this ship alive if this man died by her hands.

    She whipped around to see a figure in a mask with his arm extended towards the choking man. A chill swept over her, remembering what the blond officer had said about dark Jedi. Knowing that the man would soon die, she jumped on Kylo Ren, forcing his arm down to his side.

    “Enough!” she cried. “You want him to die?”

    “He deserves to,” Kylo murmured.

    The choking officer regained his breath, gasping for air, sweaty and terrified. “We’ve scared him enough,” she said, wrinkling her nose at him as he scampered off. She turned to Kylo. “Besides, I don’t need your twisted justice. I can take care of myself!”

    Even with the mask on, she could tell he was taken aback. She stepped away from him, releasing her grip on his arm. She searched for his eyes but they were hidden.

    “Why are you so afraid of death?” he asked.

    She flashed back to the night her mother and brother were captured. The junker gang had sacked the whole village with flamethrowers and bayonets, letting the old and sick burn where they stood while they shackled the young and healthy. Anyone who fought back was slashed and left to bleed to death. Mai was out trading for food when she had come upon this nightmarish scene. She gunned down three gang members with her father’s rifle before escaping to the nearest city, bloody and thoroughly terrified, wondering if her mother and brother were still alive. A wave of anger washed over her.

    “It makes me absolutely sick,” she said darkly. “I’ve met far too many people who kill for fun.”

    He seemed offended. “You think I was doing that for fun?”

    Mai shakily took a handkerchief from her handbag and dabbed the sweat from her brow. She sighed. “Does it matter?” She began walking away.

    “Yes, it does,” he protested, following her. “People who kill for fun are weak.”

    “And people who don’t need to re-evaluate their agendas,” she quipped.

    “You mean like your father?”

    She rolled her eyes. “Yes. He was a low-life bounty hunter. I told you to stop reading my mind, Kylo. Lord, just ask me if you want to know something from now on.” She turned a corner, just trying to lose him. His interest in her was beginning to make her feel flattered, which made her extremely uncomfortable. But then again, people rarely interested themselves in her past.

    He grabbed her shoulder gently, directing her the other way. “Hux’s quarters are this way.”

    She shrugged him off. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

    They arrived at the door of Hux’s quarters, which slid open when they approached. Mai was taken aback at how much more homely they were in comparison to everywhere else on this godforsaken ship. The floors were even carpeted!

    Hux looked surprised to see Kylo Ren. “Are you two becoming friends?” he scoffed icily.

    “We must discuss an appropriate punishment for Lieutenant Benson,” Kylo stated.

    Hux scowled. “Only I am allowed to enact punishment on my men, we discussed this.”

    “But he—”

    Mai interrupted. “It wasn’t a problem.” She shot a glance at Kylo. “He said something inappropriate to me, but it’s just a downside to my line of work. I was not offended. Thank you for concerning yourself with me, Kylo Ren, but let’s not make this a whole affair.”

    “You have no idea how hard that is for him,” Hux muttered pointedly. Kylo turned and stalked off. Mai rolled her eyes. _Men are such babies,_ she thought. She watched him walk down the hall, looking barely in control of himself. “Please, come in,” Hux said, holding the door open. “Would you like a drink?”

    “Yes please,” she replied. She looked around the room, which was adorned in classic décor. After living in an entirely metal environment, she realized she took for granted the comfortable feeling carpet under her shoes.

    “I apologize on behalf of Kylo Ren,” he said, pouring her a glass of dark blue liquid. “Sometimes he gets these strange bouts of emotional volatility. I’m sure he’s upset that he ever cared in the first place.”

    Mai suddenly felt a little defensive. “Isn’t it only natural?”

    Hux’s face tightened. “He can kill a man telekinetically, he shouldn’t care about anything.” He sighed. “That’s his weakness. He cares too much.” He handed Mai her drink. She sipped it skeptically as she detected a tinge of jealousy in Hux’s voice. “However, admittedly, I’ve never seen him actively protect another person like that.”

 

 

 


	3. Melody of Sirens

    Mai found her way back to her room after hours of listening to plans about Starkiller base. After all that nonsense, she finally realized that Hux had an extremely egotistical personality, and seemed to gain a serious satisfaction from holding Mai captive to brag about his army, his weapons, and his spaceships. She allowed him to pour her several drinks, and she was now feeling extremely dizzy. She opened her door and immediately shed her dress, tying a silk robe around her waist.

    She sat on the edge of her bed, feeling wounded. She tried so hard to be interesting, and to be interested, but at what cost? So people like Lieutenant Benson can grope her? She’d met so many evil, egotistical people in her life sometimes she felt like those were the only people in the world who would pay any attention to her. But do _they_ even care about her? Her father left her with nothing so who could be sure. She felt the all-too-familiar ache of loneliness swell in her guts. A tear escaped the corner of her eye, mascara trailing with it so that it left a dark streak on her freckled cheek.

    She was only twenty-four years old, but she’d already experienced the worst scum in the universe. Each time she reached out, they pulled her back with promises of food and money. At this point, she was much too afraid to leave the underground. What must decent people think of her? Every single job she got, she always turned a blind eye to the innocent people killed and hurt by her clients. She thought of the destructive power of Starkiller Base and she shivered. Listening to these plans, and nodding along as if she were interested, made her no better than a murderer and war-mongerer.

    By this time, more and more tears dripped down her chin. She shook, not even doing herself the favor of wiping them away. She quivered and fell over onto the bed in fetal position.

    The sound of someone cautiously knocking on her door interrupted her. She sprang up, roughly wiping away her tears. “Just a moment,” she said hoarsely. She looked in the mirror and made sure to remove all the stains from under her eyes.

    She opened the door to find Kylo Ren, unmasked, staring intently at her. His face was barely illuminated by the dim blue light of the hall. “I came here to apologize,” he said stiffly.

    She blinked, holding her robe tighter at the top. She sighed. “It’s fine,” she said, brushing him off. “That sort of thing happens to me all the time. I wasn’t lying.”

    “I know,” he said seriously.

    She chuckled darkly. “You make me laugh.”

    He cocked his head. “I don’t understand.”

    She half-smiled. “You’re just so serious and… _intense_ about everything,” she replied. She sighed again. “It’s late, you should go to bed.”

    He looked down. “I don’t sleep much.” She turned to close the door. “ _Wait_. Th-there’s something bothering you—I can tell without… you know.”

    Mai looked at him, unable to contain her wounds. She retreated into the darkness of her room and left the door open, allowing him to follow her. Kylo hesitated at the threshold, looking extremely conflicted. She sat on her bed, covering her face with her hands. He carefully stepped in after looking around to see if anyone was watching. The door shut behind him.

    “I just want this period of my life to be over,” she said. “I just want to be happy… but at this point I don’t really think I deserve it. Even though I’m so close to having enough money to free my mother and brother, I feel so _horrible_.”

    She felt his hand on her back. “I understand,” he said simply.

    “You do?” she asked, sniffling and grinding her teeth. “Did your dad fuck your life up too?”

    He sighed. “We are very similar, Mai. I realized this the first time I met you… and, frankly, it’s been haunting me.” She froze. She couldn’t believe her ears. She looked up at him, brown eyes shining in the red-tinged light. “But your aura courses with a stubborn…lightness,” he said. “You remind me of very much of my mother.”

    She felt a heat rising in her cheeks. “What’s she like?”

    Kylo paused, looking at the floor. “She’s dead,” he said shortly.

    “I’m so sorry,” Mai said earnestly. She leaned into his hard chest, and he pressed his face into her messy white hair. When they parted, she reached for his face and pulled him down to kiss her. To her surprise, his cheeks were also wet with tears.

    “Are you afraid?” he asked, lips inches from hers. His hand rested cautiously on her thigh. She pulled him on top of her so they both lay on the bed, crooked and breathing deeply. To be honest, she didn’t feel anything at all. She craved only his warmth as if it would save her from herself.

    “I wish I was,” she whispered, pulling him down to her again. They kissed deeply, searching for hope in one another. He stroked the underside of her thigh, pulling up one of her knees so she could wrap it around his waist. She paused kissing him and undid the knot on her robe, exposing her naked torso. He paused and sat to stare at her a moment, as if he were attempting to control himself. She looked up at him, eyes wider than moons, begging him to stay.

    “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, tense. “I just don’t know what to do, I—”

    Mai shifted, feeling self-conscious. “You don’t have to do anything. I would never tell anyone about this.”

    He slowly ran his eyes from her face to her thigh, deeply contemplating something. “Can I tell you something you can never repeat outside of this room?” he asked, unsure of himself.

    She’d heard that one before. “Anything,” she replied.

    “My real name is Ben.”

 

Her eyes opened several hours later, Kylo’s arms wrapped around her. Her heart started fluttering again as she turned around to look at his face. He was also awake.

    “I told you I don’t really sleep,” he said, rubbing his eyes and flopping over onto his back. He looked a little embarrassed.

    She rested her hand on his chest and smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

    He stifled a small laugh—the first time Mai had seen him do so. “Easy for you to say.” He stretched and sat up. “I have to go before anyone sees that I’ve been here.” He began gathering his clothes from the floor. 

    Mai sighed, her heart sinking a little. “Alright.” She watched him dress, eyeing the silhouette of his body. She cracked a smile. “Ben, won’t you kiss me before you go?”

    His attention piqued sharply at the mention of his name. He walked over to Mai, and knelt beside the bed. He kissed her longingly, taking his time. Then, with out a word, Kylo Ren stood and left the room.

    She lay there in shock for several moments, trying to process what had happened.She rolled over and stared at the wall for a few minutes before sitting up on the edge of the bed. As she tied on her robe, she could barely contain a smile. After years of being treated like dirt… She picked up her brush and began running it through her hair, humming lightly to herself.

    Suddenly a grainy voice called out, “Are you there? Please answer me!”

    Mai’s glowing blush paled. She reached under her bed and fished out the communicator. The hologram man, standing ten inches high made a face. “You again? Where’s Em?” Mai looked around hurriedly. She ran to the door and locked it. “Hello? What the hell is going on?”

    She held the communicator sympathetically in cupped hands. “Em didn’t make it,” she said softly. The man’s shoulders fell in devastation. He blinked, speechless. “They killed her. I’m so sorry.”

    He shook his head, slowly taking in the death of his comrade. “She gave you the communicator?” Mai nodded. “How? How did she die?”

    “She tried to flee the ship,” Mai said. “She couldn’t keep up the act.”

    He grimaced. “They caught her. She was trying to come home.”

    Mai nodded again, looking at the floor. “It was my fault, I should have stopped her…” They sat in silence—he had nothing to say to her confession. Mai swallowed the lump in her throat.

    “My name’s Poe Dameron,” the man said finally.

    “Mai,” she replied.

    He ran his fingers through his hair. “Well, Mai, I have a few questions to ask you. Are you willing to answer?” Mai didn’t say anything at first, her chest clenched in agony. She looked away. “Well?” Poe pried.

    “Depends,” she said shortly.

    He frowned. “What do you know about Starkiller Base?”

    “It’s going to be finished in five days. And apparently, it’s supposed to be able to destroy several planets at the same time.”

    Poe put his hands on his hips, taking it all in. “Five days, huh? Where is this place at, anyway?”

    “Not far from the Hosnian System,” Mai replied.

    Suddenly, an older woman pushed her way into the transmission. “Dameron, what is this?” she asked. Mai was surprised how beautiful and commanding her presence was. “ _The Hosnian System?_ Are you kidding? That’s the current capital of the Republic!” Concern splashed across her face.

    Mai swallowed nervously. “Yeah.”

    “Who is this person?” the older woman asked.

    Poe shrugged defensively. “Her name is Mai, ma’am.” He paused. “She says Em didn’t make it.”

    The older woman shook her head. “Poor girl… She was a great soldier.” Poe put his hand on her shoulder.

    “I’m so sorry,” Mai murmured.

    She inhaled sharply before looking Mai up and down. “Well, Mai,” she said. “I am General Leia Organa, the last princess of Alderaan. Who exactly are you?”

    She bit her lip. “Me? Um, well, I… I work for hire. I’m currently under the employment of General Hux.”

    Leia frowned deeply. “I see.”

    With a rush of passion, Mai asked, “Sorry, ma’am, but do you know Gilan Voolt?”

    She looked taken aback at this seemingly random question. “The junker lord? Isn’t he operating on Brentaal IV?”

    Her eyes lit up instantly, a furious excitement taking over her body. “Yes! Him! He took my family! He’s on Brentaal? Of course! It’s along the Perlemian Trade Route! I should have known—”

    “Sorry to interrupt, my dear,” Leia said, holding up a hand. “But I have one more question for you: Have you heard anything about Luke Skywalker?”

    Mai shook her head. “Who’s that?”

    “He’s my brother.” Leia sighed deeply, but then smiled at Mai. “I’m glad I could help you locate where your family might be. I will keep an ear out for Voolt, but you must also keep an ear out for me. If you hear _anything_ about Luke Skywalker you need to contact the Resistance as soon as possible.” Mai nodded. Leia got a cloudy, distant look in her eyes, “…we need to get to him before my son does.”

    “I will try my best, ma’am,” Mai said. “Thank you.”

    “That is all for now. Remember—don’t trust anybody on that ship,” Leia warned. “May the Force be with you.” The transmission shut off, leaving her in the dark. Mai dropped the communication device. She was now a Resistance spy.


	4. Blind Faith

Mai spent the rest of her day discussing the final party plans with the new girl who they hired from Courascant. The new girl, Niah, arrived on the Star Destroyer pale and nervous, looking like she hadn’t slept in days. She obviously came from a richer background than Mai, for she was adorned in green velvet and Coreillian furs. “So you’re the professional,” she said pointedly, looking Mai up and down. “Interesting.”

    They had a private boardroom set up, the two of them sitting across from each other on one end of the long table as the galaxy floated by out the window. Mai ran budgets, silently muttering to herself and calculating the numbers on her hand, while Miah nervously rummaged through her purse for her lipstick.

    “Have you been treated fairly here?” Niah asked.

    Mai scribbled something down before she looked up. “Yes. So far I’m expecting the full price,” she said.

    “And the men?”

    “I’m certain we’ve seen worse,” Mai said, stretching her fingers. “The officers are held to high military standards under General Hux.”

    Niah shakily applied her plum lipstick, staring into a handheld mirror. “I see… Where is your company based?”

    Mai rubbed her temples, still tired from her emotional journey of the past twelve hours. “I’m currently living on Coreilia. My boss’s name is Ophea Sonar, heard of her?”

     She nodded, pursing her lips as she inspected them. “She’s pretty infamous. Used to work for the Hutts, no?”

    She scoffed. “Yeah that’s her. Infamous or not, the others and I get loads of work for it.”

    They sat in silence for a moment, Mai tapping her pen on the table absentmindedly. “You look very tired,” Niah commented, snapping her mirror shut and looking very much like she was on the fringes of having a nervous breakdown. She lowered her voice. “They don’t want… _you know._ That would be highly illegal.”

    Mai scowled. She wasn’t sure if the Order really cared about legality. “Oh no, no. None of that,” Mai said, passionate flashes of the night before playing in her mind.

 

    Later that evening, after having spent several hours entertaining the officers and tending to Niah who was constantly on the verge of breaking her professional façade, Mai felt totally washed out. She returned to her room sweaty and in need of a bath. For the first time since early this morning, she thought of Kylo Ren. She sat at her desk wondering what last night meant to him. To her, it was the happiest she’d been in a while. She craved his emotional validation, clinging on to what he’d said. She _haunts_ him.

    Mai thought of the promise she’d made to Leia, and wondered if Kylo knew anything about Luke Skywalker. She shook her head to herself. She didn’t want to push it. She wanted to wait for her time on the Star Destroyer to be over before she contacted the Resistance again. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have any information, and she could go straight to finding her mother and brother. No pain. No danger. She would remain as neutral as possible. Deciding this was an appropriate course of action, she relaxed a little, resolving to remain passive. However, she couldn’t help but wonder why this Skywalker guy was so important, and why Leia’s son might want to kill him… She stopped herself. It wasn’t her business.

    She began removing her jewelry, placing it one by one in a small wooden box where she kept her valuables. She was just about to slip off her boots and get comfortable when a short knock sounded on the door. She leapt to her feet and it slid open. A figure forced his way into her room, immediately shutting the door behind him. Kylo Ren hurriedly removed his mask, looking at Mai intensely.

    Mai reached up and brushed a lock of hair from his eyes. “You seem out of breath,” she said, smirking.

    “I’m not supposed to be here,” he said, setting his helmet on Mai’s desk. “I came here to ask you something.”

    “Me?” Mai scoffed, folding her arms. “What is it?”

    “I just received a message that there might be someone on Naboo who can help me complete my training,” Kylo said, his eyes sparkling. He took her hands. “I want you to come with me.”

    Mai’s eyebrows arched. “Why?”

    “I need you to help me be strong,” he said earnestly. “What I do _isn’t_ easy.” He sighed, looking extremely flustered. “I want you to help me rebuild what has been lost.”

    She was stunned. “We barely know each other…”

    He pulled her into an embrace, holding her head against his chest. “Once I complete my training you can learn anything you want about me. But for now you need to believe in me as much as I believe in you. _Please._ ”

    Mai smiled, heart pounding. “I’ll go only if you promise to take me to Brentaal to buy back my family.”

    He released her, touching her tawny cheek with a gloved hand. “Anything,” he said softly. “I can feel our destinies intertwine, Mai. I sense that you will do something important.”

    Her jaw dropped, parting her lips. “S-something important?”

    Kylo nodded. “I have a very strong feeling about you.” Mai glowed with pride. Suddenly, he fell down to his knees, hugging her waist. He did not seem as happy as she was. She could tell he was holding back tears. She blinked, confused. “Completing my training is killing me,” he said, knotting his fists in her skirt. “It’s tearing me apart—do you understand?”

    She cautiously touched his head, inexplicably afraid. “I don’t understand,” she said.

    He hugged her tightly. “You will, when the time comes. You will understand what I have to do.”

    “I believe I will,” she replied. After a pause, she asked, “Why are you travelling with the First Order, anyway?”

    Kylo sighed, standing and taking a seat on Mai’s unmade bed. “It’s important to my grandfather’s vision,” he said wistfully, looking at his hands.

    She raised an eyebrow. _How odd_ , she thought. This whole time she was under the impression that the Order was made up of some of the worst bullies in the galaxy. However, she understood the meaning of family quite well, and joined him on the bed. “Let’s just relax for now,” she said, taking his hands and removing his gloves. She turned his pale hands over in her tiny tan ones.

    “Will you let me stay again?” he asked.

    She looked up at him, eyes glinting. “Let me take a shower first.”

 

_Return to my home page to read the following optional scene B^) (~warning: explicit content no kids allowed~)_

 

She awoke the next morning to find that Kylo Ren had gone, leaving his side of the bed cold and unmade. She moaned. Her door slid open and Niah came in, swishing her expensive velvet cape. Mai rolled her eyes. “Mai,” she snapped. “What are you doing still sleeping? General Hux called for a meeting in fifteen minutes!”

    Mai rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “What time is it?”

    “ _Late._ Let me pick out a dress for y—” she halted mid-word.

    Mai slipped her underwear on. “What?” she turned around, and to her utter horror saw Niah holding a cylindrical metal object in her hand.

    “ _What is this_?” she asked.

    Mai panicked and threw herself over the bed, scrambling to snatch the lightsaber out of Niah’s hand. “No, no, no, no—augh—put that down!” But it was too late. Niah pressed the button, and Mai had to draw away quickly to avoid being stabbed by the jagged beam of red light that exploded to life. “Turn it off!” Mai snapped.

    Niah switched it off. Her face was pale. “Is this… a _lightsaber?_ ” She slowly turned to look at Mai, who grimaced.

    “L-listen, I can explain,” she said defensively.

    Niah put her hands on her hips. “Explain what? That you’re a somehow secretly a jedi?”

    Mai groaned. “Just hand me a dress. Let’s get this meeting over with.”

           

Mai chose a robe with long, flowing sleeves in order to conceal Kylo Ren’s weapon as she walked briskly, Niah in tow. As they made their way to Hux’s office, Mai could feel people staring after them. She knew it was because they were the only people on the whole ship who wore color, but it heightened her anxiety over the fact that she was carrying the lightsaber of the most dangerous man in the First Order in her silk dress.

    Just as she had hoped, Kylo Ren walked down the corridor the same time as the pair of girls. Mai purposefully paid no attention to him, but brushed his arm, handing the weapon to him slyly. It passed into his hand and he walked away down the hall in the opposite direction. Mai sighed in relief.

    Niah snapped her fan open, covering the look of shock and disgust on her face. “It was _his_?” she hissed at Mai, discretely looking over her shoulder at the dark jedi walking away.

    Mai scowled. “If you tell anyone I will personally send you to the grave,” she growled, side-eying her co-worker. “Do you understand me?”

    They entered Hux’s office: Niah in shock and Mai fuming. Hux sat behind his desk, fingers laced. “You’re _late_ ,” he said darkly.

    Mai bowed her head, still gritting her teeth. “It was my fault, sir,” she said shortly.

    Hux frowned. “So you’re taking the blame. I see.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, controlling himself. Mai gulped. “Anyway, I’m sending you two down to one of the outer planets of the Hosnian System with some of my senior officers for the final rest before the completion of Starkiller Base.”

    “Sir, I’ve prepared a budget for this event, would you like me to send it to your office?” Mai asked.

    Hux’s face screwed into an incredulous smile. “ _Budget_?” he scoffed. “How naïve of you. We’re the most powerful force in the galaxy—money does not concern us.”

    She felt a chill down her spine. “Understood,” she said shakily.

    “Good. Do not fail me.”


	5. The Cloud

The carrier ship departed from the Star Destroyer that afternoon, heading for Hosnian II. Mai grimaced when she noticed several dozen Storm Troopers also preparing to depart from their respective ports. Mai made her way down the hall to the ship, leaving her small room on the Star Destroyer for the last time. A presence reached out to her mind. She jumped and turned around.

            It was Kylo Ren. He put his gloved hand on her lower back and said softly, “I’ll meet you on Hosnian II with your credits and we’ll depart for Naboo on my ship.”

            She nodded. “I will look forward to it,” she said, smiling demurely.

            His hand lingered on her back before he turned a corner without a word. Mai looked after him with mixed emotions, feeling the weight of her bag, which contained the communicator. She shuddered. She decided that she needed to keep her promise to Leia, even though she hadn’t heard anything about Luke Skywalker. As she stepped onto the ship, she felt a small seed of fear rise deep in her stomach.

 

The ship made a shaky landing on Hosnian II, descending through thick, grey clouds. It rained heavily in the city that night, and the lights below them glowed coldly. They landed on a platform atop a cylindrical metal building that clung to the top of a rocky hill, overlooking the city’s expanse. Fog engulfed the ship as it gently came to a stop on the roof of the strange building.

            Niah leaned over Mai to look out of the window at the Storm Troopers making their way into the building through the fog, looking white and ghostly. “I’ve been here before,” she said. “This is the Hotel Kereele. The gangsters who founded this city built it, but it was cleaned up during the Galactic Empire years.”

            “Oh so it’s an old Empire spot,” Mai remarked. “Makes sense why Hux wanted to come here.”

            The young women exchanged a worried glance. Niah frowned. “But it’s totally been taken over by the Republic…” Mai clenched her jaw.

            A Storm Trooper approached them at their seats. “It’s safe to enter now. Follow me.”

            As they exited the space ship, a couple of young officers ran up to the girls with umbrellas. They walked to the doors leading down into the hotel, which were now being guarded by Storm Troopers.

            The stairs leading down into the hotel were tight and damp until the party entered the main foyer, which was lavishly decorated in polished marble and hardwood. The staircase became grand and wide, leading down into the dome-shaped lobby. General Hux had already made his entrance, and was talking stiffly to the owner of the hotel, who was a short furry creature with long, nervous hands. Mai noticed that the Troopers had already festooned the foyer with red banners bearing the mark of the First Order. Mai caught the glance of General Hux, who narrowed his pale eyes at her. She wondered in terror if he knew about her and Ren. She looked away, chest tight.

            A bellhop girl with double-irised eyes and catlike ears appeared and took Niah and Mai’s bags. She led them into the hotel. Mai couldn’t find words. She hung behind as Niah walked quietly with the bellhop.

            “I’m so sorry about all this,” Niah said in the elevator through the stiff silence. She touched the bellhop’s arm tenderly. “We’ll only be here for the night.”

            The bellhop shifted on her feet nervously. “It’s alright, madam.”

            Mai felt like she was going to be sick as the old elevator lurched to a stop. After the bellhop deposited their bags in the respective rooms, Mai noticed Niah handing the girl money. A small wave of disdain hit Mai as she watched the bellhop disappear down the dusty hall.

            Niah looked at her, adjusting her burnt orange skirts. “Something wrong?” she pried, sensing Mai’s anger in her scowl.

            She took a deep breath, calming herself. “Don’t sympathize with them,” Mai said shortly. “Are you trying to get us fired? I’m already on thin ice with Hux.”

            Niah’s perfect upper lip curled. “So it’s all about you, huh? You think they’re not as terrified as we are? She seemed twice as scared as you!”

            Mai rolled her eyes. “Let’s just forget about it, okay? I just want to live through the night.”

            They retreated to their respective rooms in a huff. Mai stared out her small round window at the rain, leaning her face close enough to the cool glass that a thin silver fog appeared with her breath. She used her sleeve to wipe it away and sighed. They would be expecting her downstairs at the bar in an hour. She began brushing through her long hair, tress by tress, when Niah came in and set a parcel on the small table in the corner of the room.

            “Uniform,” she remarked briefly before leaving.

            Mai stood and picked up the parcel. She turned it over in her hands and wondered if she should apologize to Niah, but decided she couldn’t muster the energy to do so at the moment. She opened the package and removed the short gunmetal gray dress and neatly folded stockings. _Good Lord,_ she thought, immediately sent back to her teenage years when she worked in Mos Eisley. She slowly began dressing, feeling how tightly the stiff cotton clung to her curves. She began braiding her hair, pinning them in loops. She re-applied eyeliner to accentuate the upturn in the corner of each of her brown eyes. She looked in the mirror and sighed shakily, giving it everything she had not to cry it all off before she had to go down to work.

 

It was painfully obvious that the civilians at the bar were highly uncomfortable with the presence of the First Order. Even though most of the higher officers, General Hux included, had the back room to themselves, the main floor was flooded by cocky, red-nosed young people in black uniforms. Every time she passed a civilian, she heard them mumbling about what awful things they’d seen Storm Troopers do, or how the first order is just a repeat of the Galactic Empire—but somehow worse.

            “I heard that bastard Hux steals babies,” a long-nosed civilian muttered to his human companion at the bar. “He takes them from their homes and brainwashes them to become Storm Troopers.”

            “At least Vader used _clones_ ,” the man quipped, scowling into his drink.

            Mai’s lips tightened. She hoped that wasn’t true. The two men glared at her when they realized she was listening to them. She quickly loaded drinks onto her tray and walked away as fast as possible, feeling deeply ashamed.

Much later, as the merriment progressed, a group of women clad in sequins and tassels showed up at the hotel. Several chortling officers led them into the back room. Niah touched Mai’s arm as she watched them, dazed.

“Hey,” one of the First Order men snapped, returning her to the card game. “Are you gonna deal my hand or not?”

“Oh my, I’m sorry!” she said, passing around the cards as quickly as she could. “It’s getting a little hot in here, so if you would excuse me, I’m going to go get some fresh air.”

Niah led Mai out of the mad crowd, through the lobby and up the stairs onto the deck. As they passed the Troopers at the door, Mai assured them they were taking a rest. They weren’t alone. An Order crew leaned against one of the carrier ships, passing around a long, metal smoking device.

            It had stopped raining, thankfully, leaving the air crisp and moist. Niah pulled a small, segmented fruit from her pocket, handing slice to Mai. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

            “Look,” Niah said, putting a slice in her mouth. “I’ve been kind of rude to you, but I’m actually very impressed with how professional you are.”

            Mai sighed, looking at her piece of fruit forlornly. “Thank you, Niah. But I’m not as good as you think I am.”

            She shrugged timidly. “Well… I’ve never seen anyone tell such great jokes and stories, and generally handle things as civilly as you.”

            Mai suddenly felt very tired. She looked out into the darkly glittering city, scintillating with cold colors. She drew a long breath. “I’m a spy.”

            Her face went white. “ _What?_ ” she whispered.

            Mai backpedaled. “I mean, it’s not _that_ serious—”

            “ _Not that serious?_ Mai, you’re in danger!”

            “I’m only listening for a name, that’s all,” she replied, folding her arms. “Luke Skywalker. Have you heard of him?”

            Niah scoffed. “Um, yeah. Every kid who’s grown up in the Inner Core knows who he is.” She narrowed her eyes. “I thought he was dead.”

            Mai chewed on her lip nervously. “Apparently he’s alive. Missing somewhere.”

            Niah kept eating her fruit, a concerned look on her face. She paused before saying, “All I know about him is that he was training a bunch of young apprentices before one of them snapped… and, you know…”

            “What?”

            “Killed them all.”

            Mai’s eyes widened. “Children?” Niah nodded. Mai’s stomach did a flip. They stared in different directions, discomfort hanging in the air.

            “M-maybe we should go back and finish the night,” Niah said.

            She clenched her fists. “Okay.”


End file.
